Saturday, February 2, 2008

Jesus Loves the Little Zygotes

As read on the 2 Feb 2008 edition of the Non-Prophets radio show, from Dial-an-Atheist Ohio by Frank Zindler. Transcribed by some guy.

Jesus loves the little zygotes
all the zygotes of the world.
Jesus loves them until they're born
then abandons them forlorn.
Jesus loves the little zygotes 'til they're born.

Jesus loves the little children
all the children of the world.
Jesus gives them heart defects
measles, mumps, and ringwormed necks.
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

Jesus lets their parents beat them,
bruise their bodies black and blue.
Jesus gives them birth defects,
scurvy, ticks, and palette clefts.
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

Jesus gives the children cancer.
Earaches, lice, and scabies too.
Bowel obstructions, altered lips,
blighted brains and twisted hips.
Extra chromosomes to help them when they pray.

Hallelujah.

Jesus gives the children acne.
AIDS and leprosy galore.
Germs and worms of every kind.
Things to make the children blind.
But he cannot give them smallpox anymore.

Scientists and unbelievers
wiped the pox right off the earth.
Jesus still gives gifts to kids,
broken nose and burnt eyelids.
But he cannot give them smallpox anymore.

6 comments:

Shell said...

Brilliant.

Thanks for posting! I heard it on Non-Prophets today and went a-Googling to find a copy.

Cheers-
Shell

Anonymous said...

Awesome!

Rosanna said...

Jesus WAS a zygote. God (Jesus) was a human embryo. He placed himself in the hands of humans whom he loved so much that even though he loved them they killed him because they would have no other king but Caesar.
Pontius Pilate knew Jesus was innocent and places a sign above Jesus on the cross that read "King of the Jews" but the Jews told Pilate to write "Jesus SAID 'I am the king of the Jews'" and Pilate said "I have written what I have written." Pilate knew who Jesus was, but even he valued the opinion of the people more than doing what was right.
So Jesus (God) died. God knows all about death and suffering. And he established his church that we can now collect as a family and do something and work together. But as you can see we still have the free choice to say no and do bad things, further making the world a worse place than we made it with the original sin. Sin has cosmic effects, primarily death. Diseases are death at small scale: cells die first, then the whole body. But sin first kills the spirit.
As far as diseases are concerned, I wonder why humans are the only creatures who cook their food. And the domestic animals who we feed cooked food to die also of the diseases that we have: arthritis, cancer, immune disorders. Why do humans have long intestines with pockets in them, our stomachs produce light acid, while carnivores like dogs have intense acid that can separate flesh from bone and they have short intestines that are smooth so the meat they eat doesn't putrefy before it's eliminated.
As a whole, we humans don't actually go along with natural law very well.

Christopher said...

Thanks for posting this, it really is fantastic.

Stephanie said...

Hmmmm...this is kind of really sad. My son was born with a cleft lip/palate and I certainly don't think that "Jesus gave it to him." It's just one of those things. What crap.

Tatarize said...

Stephanie, yes. It's just one of those things that happens. In this case it's a developmental issue and not a very nice one. There is no God to have given such to your son. The above song is mocking similar songs which suggests that Jesus loves the Little Children. In reality, the god portion is certainly a myth and shit happens. I hope medical science has since repaired the error.