Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Rapture and You.

According to the general theories put forth by your average Adventists (believers in the second advent, return of Jesus, rapture) Jesus will appear over Jerusalem and shall stay fixed in the sky. As the world turns he will take his faithful up in what is to be called the rapture. This is typically because the general picture given of the rapture suggests a flat earth where Jesus just floats in the sky and everybody gets sucked up towards him. Given a spherical planet this doesn't work so well.

Now, as an evil vile atheist, I will not be taken. However, you are like Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future and not very good at thinking 4th dimensionally. We live in the information age. Jerusalem is GMT +2 whereas I live in a GMT -8 time zone and thus have a 10 hour difference. So given that I probably am not going to be cut off from the biggest news story in human history for 10 hours it seems likely that I will hear about this astoundingly precise prediction made by religious idiots hours prior to Jesus floating over my location. I will have a number of hours to convert to what would, at that time, be a nearly undeniable statement of fact.

So don't worry about my soul Christians, I'll be sure to convert when there's ample evidence and regardless that I think you're utterly idiotic beliefs are absolutely false. I'll be sure to convert with a few hours to spare making you look utterly stupid for wasting your entire life when I'd only have wasted a couple hours of my time.

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